Jason Sudeikis Sent Me This Letter After My Dad Died, It Changed Everything
For those of us who have lost a parent, the Mother's Day, Father's Day gauntlet of holidays can be ... fraught. This week is, frankly, one of my least favorite of the year. And, I suspect, I'm not alone. And if you feel this way, well, I am here to confirm that, no, you are most definitely not alone.
On November 17, 2017, I woke up to numerous missed calls from my father's mid-Missouri phone number. When I called back, my father's partner of many years answered. I'll never forget her words. "Michael, I just have the worst news. Your father had a heart attack last night and he didn't made it." I said, "Okay," and hung up. I called my mom and let her know. Having no siblings to call, no one to else to inform, and no responsibilities whatsoever (he didn't want a funeral), still in shock I went to a local bar in our Manhattan neighborhood. This bar happens to play movies instead of sports. They were playing Return of the Jedi. When Luke takes Anakin's helmet off at the end, I cried.¹ This was the first time I cried. It would not be the last.
¹For someone who happened to be watching this out of context, I do find this funny. The guy sitting at a bar on a fall Saturday afternoon, watching Return of the Jedi, and getting hysterically emotional.
People who have lost parents tell me I got off lucky that it was sudden. I think I mostly agree with this, but "sudden" comes with its own set of problems, like, you know, the whole "sense of closure" I'll literally never have.
A small film called Kodachrome was released by Netflix five months after my dad died. It stars Jason Sudeikis as Matt, a man living in New York City who learns his estranged father, played by Ed Harris, is dying. His father has requested that Matt drive him to a small town in Kansas, to a photo store that still has the ability to develop Kodachrome film. Matt reluctantly agrees. At the end, it's revealed that the four rolls of film his father so desperately wanted developed were pictures from Matt's childhood. This was closure. It was a very difficult film for me to watch at the time and, still, it brings back raw memories from that time.
I wound up interviewing Sudeikis about this movie. And, for context, I already knew him professionally. He was instrumental in helping me put together an oral history of the "Potato Chip" SNL sketch. Look, I knew I was an emotional wreck, so I warned him this was a tough movie for me to watch and, if I got emotional during the interview, these are the reasons why.
It’s a weird thing because some friends, I think, giving them the benefit of the doubt, assumed I wanted privacy when, in reality, I wanted the opposite. Meaning, there were people I considered close friends who I just never heard from. Which, I think, is why a message like this can be so impactful.
A couple hours after the interview, unprompted, Sudeikis emailed me. If I were reading this, the cynic in me would say, "He just wanted good press." But it was literally years before I told anyone about this publicly. If that was his long con, well, that's quite a strategy. Regardless, these words had a profound impact on me that would literally affect my life forever (I'll explain). They were delivered at the exact time I needed them and I've never forgotten them. And I share them here because, maybe, someone is feeling something similar and this can help.
Here's what Jason Sudeikis wrote:
(Note: this is the kind of post I'd usually only have available for paid subscribers, but I am keeping this one free for subscribers just in case anyone does find it helpful. Having said that, if you do like posts like this, please consider becoming a paid subscriber to help keep this newsletter running and you will get to read the story I was told about about Tom Cruise that is now my favorite Tom Cruise story, my very weird experience at The Rise of Skywalker premiere party, and what it's like to meet Steven Spielberg.)
