A Running Diary Of My Most Miserable Experience At The Movies, 'The Devil Inside'
To this day, The Devil Inside is the most miserable experience I've ever had at a movie theater. I wasn't alone, as this early screening ended with actual booing. This is unusual! People were really mad! Which was also remarkable because the people who had just seen The Devil Inside had seen it for free.
The Devil Inside became infamous for being the movie that, instead of "ending" like most movies, displayed a URL on the screen, instructing the viewer to visit the URL to find out how the story ends. As you might expect, this did not go over very well. This was even before URL codes, so this movie actually expected viewers to remember a full website address so they could visit that website to find out how this story ended.
Anyway, I was assigned to cover this movie. I was supposed to see a press screening of The Grey but, at the last minute, I was sent to this instead and I remember not being very happy about this. My editor at the time openly admitted he found me to be a "funnier" writer when I was miserable. So, off I was sent. Now, this wasn't a press screening, even though some press were there. This was an early "fan" screening, complete with a DJ and actors dressed up like characters. When your goal in life is to just get in and out of something as quickly as possible, this is kind of hell. While I was there I decided to keep a running diary.¹
¹When I'd do a running diary during a movie, I was often asked how I did them. More specifically, did I have my phone out the whole time? No. I used a pen and a notebook and just kept writing – which became it's own game after, trying to decode what my already terrible handwriting had written down in the dark.
This wound up being a very popular post at the time (maybe my editor was right?), but it hasn't been online in well over a decade. I still have friends who bring this one up. A couple of years ago my friend Matt Singer (who has a new book out that is not about The Devil Inside) bought me a The Devil Inside marquee mylar, so now I can relive this experience at home anytime I want. Thank you, Matt.
Also of note, at the time, I really didn't like going to horror movies. Though, what I meant was I didn't like modern (at the time) jump scare type horror movies. In general, I do like horror movies a lot more now. Especially since they've become more cerebral. But, I still do not this one.
Even though this movie was released in January, I am bringing back the most miserable movie going night of my life, preserved in great detail, for this Halloween week. You're welcome?
A Running Diary of 'The Devil Inside' Screening: One of the Most Miserable Nights of My Life
Last night, I saw a movie called The Devil Inside. I am not a fan of horror movies – especially "found footage" movies like Paranormal Activity – because, frankly, they scare me. I was supposed to watch Liam Neeson fight wolves in The Grey, but the person who determines my daily employment status suggested that I see 'The Devil Inside' instead. This would turn out to be one of the most miserable nights of my life. Along the way, I kept a running diary of my evening.
6:54 p.m. Upon my arrival at the Union Square Regal 14 in New York City, a man dressed like a priest greets me at the door to the theater. His crucifix seems less "clergy" and more "Madonna from Desperately Seeking Susan.”
6:55 p.m. Not only is this not a critics' screening – not only is there an actual audience in attendance – but there's a DJ playing Michael Jackson's “Thriller.”
7:09 p.m. The DJ is now playing ”Monster Mash.” I'm in my 30s and have never heard this song outside the three-day window surrounding Halloween.
7:10 p.m. The DJ interrupts “Monster Mash” to ask if anyone in the crowd is from New Jersey. Two people start cheering.
7:15 p.m. The DJ – who announces that his name is DJ Juanyto – goes through every single borough of New York City in an effort to incite a more jovial response. DJ Juanyto succeeds when he gets to Brooklyn.
7:20 p.m. DJ Juanyto interrupts “Up All Night” by Drake (featuring Nicki Minaj) to shout, "Let's hear it for Eli Manning!"
7:21 p.m. I'm halfway through my resignation letter.
7:30 p.m. Five men dressed as priests address the audience. Their leader says, "You chose to come here on your own free will." At least for me, this is not true.
7:30 p.m. He continues: "I do not endorse you seeing this movie." Something tells me I'll be saying the same thing in two hours.
(This is a free post for "free tier" members. But The Hard Pass only exists because of paying members. If you want to support this newsletter, it would be greatly appreciated. And you'll get to read the story a famous actor told me about Tom Cruise, which is now my favorite Tom Cruise story.)
